Realm of the unreal

by Shou

Dear,

Finally I can sit down and write to you. I have been trying to reach you for the whole day.

Today, on the way back home after work, I kept thinking about all the bad news that slapped me hard. I remember you told me to try living more positively and to let annoying things go. I remember how you made me laugh with your insulting remarks about people that we both hate. You are a very special one to me, and when I told you that you laugh aloud, and I believe my eyes shone with happiness, I could not hide anything when I am with you.

If I had to choose a word to say about you, that would be “myself”. You are just like another me, you love doing what I love doing and hate the people that I flatly deny to see their faces. I enjoy every moment that I have a chance to be with you, it is something like I stay alone in my own world with double excitement. I find myself be easily filled with nostalgia right after you go, about two weeks or so, I cannot remember. In my mind, all those miscellaneous things are still so vivid, your way of walking when you said that it’s not so far, your smile when I kept stumbling over my words about a certain holiday, your posts showing your great expectation of a kind of misleading snack bag, the way you said “I come here to say Hi/Hello to…” and then you only smiled, and how you looked at me in the eyes and cheered while we drank beer at the party.

Maybe you do not know, and would never know, that I still hope for the 0% that I can hope. I think that you knew that I knew one of your secret, though it is not really a secret. But I would pretend that I do not know, and please pretend that you do not know that I know… Thank you so much for your co – operation.

Hey, I would like to share a nice song I often listen to recently. Though it is in Japanese, I found a translated English version for us, below is some excerpt from it.

Even on sunny or rainy days, that same smile comes to my mind
Even when my memories of you slowly fade away
I would search through those disappearing memories
And on days when you are revived in my memories, my tears flow endlessly
Wishing upon the first star; this has become my new habit
When I look up at the sky during sunset, I’m searching for you with all my heart
Whether in sorrow or in joy, I think of that smile
If you can see me from where you are now
I believe that we’ll meet again someday, while I go on with my life
Even on sunny or rainy days, that same smile comes to my mind
Even when my memories of you slowly fade away
I’ll still be lonely and I’ll yearn for you
I still have feelings for you, my tears flow endlessly
I want to meet you, I want to meet you
I still have feelings for you, my tears flow endlessly.

I still have feelings for you, do you know?

When I write anything to you, the word “Dear” really means dear, in its dearest meaning. Do you know?

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